Sweet Relief

I finally got honest with myself late last week and decided that I've been living with a band that has been just a smudge too tight for way longer than I even care to admit (let's just say my last band adjustment was in June 2010) and I finally made the decision that it is just not smart or healthy to be living the way I have with the band since that time.

I haven't been so tight to the point where I'm unable to eat entirely, but I was at the point where it wasn't until at least about 1-2 p.m. on any given day that I would even dare to put solid food in my mouth and even then there were times where that food was coming back up.  I think my final straw was on Monday morning when I took a sip of chocolate milk and got stuck.  Not the way I want to be living when it comes to my nutrition, body and well being.  I was lucky enough to get in for a teeny unfill today and had 0.4 cc's removed from my 10 cc band putting me at a total of 6.8 cc's.

I was right around 6.6-6.9 cc's when I was losing weight fairly steadily and I think I got greedy and just wanted that one additional fill.  A lot of good that did me.  Scale at the doctor's today read 190.8.  Which in overall weight loss since surgery puts me at 115 pounds down, but it also means that I've only lost 15.4 pounds in about 9 months.  That I'm not happy with and that I have no one to blame but myself for being a numnut and thinking that my desired restriction was just right. Not smart and not safe.

I took it easy during the day today and then attempted eating some chicken tonight.  I could have almost cried when I finished eating a single chicken thigh without feeling like I knew I was going to PB.  It went down fine, I was satifised and I'm excited and hopeful that being able to eat some healthy solid foods without fear will help kickstart my weight loss again.

Now, I know I'm going to have to watch what I'm putting into my mouth because quite frankly the past 6 months or so, I've been pretty lax with it and almost subconsciously leaned more towards "slider" foods just because I was afraid of eating solid protein the majority of the time for fear of getting stuck and having that awful feeling in my chest. 

I would L.O.V.E. to get down into the 180's soon and my ultimate goal would be at 175 (for a total of 130 pounds down) for my 2 year anniversary on May 28th.  15 pounds in two months is a bit of a stretch, but possibly do-able if I really work hard. 

So, that's where I'm at.  I'm going on a snowboarding trip this weekend (yay!) and I'm hoping to sh(r)ed a pound or two off by doing laps on the slopes.   It had always been hard to kind of explain why I had fallen in love with snowboarding so quickly and then I was reading a book on snowboarding (natch) and to quote Liam Gallagher (not of Oasis fame) who couldn't have said it better for me:

"There's something about spending time in the mountains, recreating with friends, exploring by board and constantly pushing your abilities further that makes snowboarding addicting.  To ride is to be free. But be warned: Once you fall in love with snowboarding, other responsibilities probably won't seem pressing.  Snowboarding is decision-making, solitude, adrenaline, disaster, recovery, shared joy, trusting yourself, overcoming fear, testing your abilities, realizing your passion, finding your line, surrendering to the elements, and enlightment.  Snowboarding offers all of life's most valuable experiences in every run.  I'd argue that there's nothing better you can do".  

That last part about what snowboarding is reminds me so much of the weight loss journey I've been on these past two years and maybe that is why I feel so connected to it.